To Choose to Loose You

I loved you then, I love you now.  Perhaps I always will.
But our lives with each other were not happy at all
and together they wouldn't be still.

The choice was not easy; The way is not clear;
My soul, is so filled with doubt.
But I could not be who you wanted me to,
and so I had to get out.

I don't think that you know, how hard I had tried...
... I know that you cried in the night,
In spite of our efforts... our wanting... our wishes...
we simply could not make it right.

You thought me so strong, and so smart, and so able,
and sometimes, in some ways, that is true.
But I'm also unsure and confused and afraid,
and I cry as I try to continue.

Sometimes I believe that this way is too hard.
Then again, "I'm doing all right."
Sometimes I believe I can get all I want,
yet, I feel so alone in the night.

My values have changed, my perspective has too,
as so much I once trusted is gone.
But, I believe in myself, and I simply have faith
and it gives me some hope to go on.

I still have my dreams, some are even the same.
But I'm not quite as sure they'll come true.
Still, I believe I'll be happy someday.
And, perhaps I'll meet somebody new.

I choose to loose you ... to loose so much,
because everything has it's price.
The way I have chosen is unsure and unclear,
and I hope it will turn out to be nice.
 
 

1986/10/23